Yay, it's the weekend.
And I'll be busy, busy, busy.
I'll be looking for a new Jetta tomorrow.
Then, hopefully snowboarding by 4 pm.
Then looking at a condo on Sunday.
I hope everything goes as planned.

Whoa...
So Renee calls me up and says, "Maybe we should sleep together to see if there is still chemistry."
That was shocking. I doubt she's serious, but if she is, I don't know if I could go through with it.
Allow me to explain. With an offer like this, the pressure of satisfying her is almost tripled. There's a lot riding on this sexual encounter. Let's say I'm not exactly the man I wish to be. Then I will have to live the rest of my life knowing that I can't satisfy this one girl. I know, I'm sure there are plenty of girls out there I wasn't able to satisfy. But I don't know about them. And I don't want to know about them. Having that kind of knowledge is something that could scar a man for life.
Do you understand what I'm saying. Either I show her a good time and risk her falling madley and deeply in love with me. Which is not what I want in my life right now. Or I don't show her a good time and have to deal with knowing I can't, and never will be able to satisy her. I don't know if I can go through with this now. Who am I kidding. I'm weak. I'm a man. I'll probably fail horribly, but I am a man.

I'm feeling very dull today. Blah. Useless.
New York was better this time. Got to go out for drinks with one of the Art Directors. He's pretty cool. Ate some New York pizza. Chilled in the Hotel lounge.
I talked to Renee yesterday. She got another part in a show at Second City. I'm so jelous. She's so much better than me. Why does she even talk to me.
I'm feeling so low right now. Not very happy at all.
I hope I go snowboarding this weekend.
Bye.

Today was a rough day. It sucks when you come into work and find out that everything you did two days ago was completely erased from the server and you have to redo everything. It sucked ass.
My aunts funeral was yesterday. I was a pallbearer. My first time doing that job. It was kind of hard. A lot harder than I thought. I was pretty sad about this whole thing to begin with, but when you're a pallbearer, you're right up there with the immediete family. Seeing them cry makes me want to cry more. Death is a very sad thing.
On the bright side, I'm going to Michigan this weekend for some snow mobiling. This should be a refreshing break. I've been busting my ass at work lately and I could use a little vacation. I come back on sunday, but at least it will be two days of riding.
If anyone is in Bitely, Michigan this weekend, I 'll see you on the trails. Later.

My aunt passed away yesterday. I'm very sad, but in a way it's a relief because she hasn't been well for quite some time. I'm still sad. My mom told me yesterday and started crying. She said she missed her already. I miss her too. My parents and I went to see her on Saturday. It was hard seeing her the way she was. It was like we wanted her to past so she wouldn't be in pain anymore. It was very hard to see her that way.
This has been one fucked up year. My grandma died in October. Two weeks later my uncle past, and now in January, my aunt past. All on my mom's side of the family. I feel bad for her because these are all people we are close too. I hate death, but I don't fear it. Me, I can't wait to die. It's having people close to me dying that scares the shit out of me. But then again, I've had so much death around me lately, that it doesn't bother me as much. It's just something you got too learn to live with.
Goodbye Tia, I love you.

It's Friday and it's cold.
The movies went well yesterday. We saw "Catch me if you can." I liked it alot. No, nothing happened between me and Renee. She kept telling me that we would make out sometime before the night was over. But I got away before she had the chance. I've been friends with her for a long time after we went out. But, she still has a sweet ass. Sorry, I had to let that out.
Let me tell you all about Renee. We met my first year at Columbia. Columbia College in Chicago, not University in New York. Anyway, I was studying Advertising and she was studying Dance. We met in an English class that was required to graduate. We hit it off right away. Unfortuantely she had a boyfriend, Mike. But, as time went on, we got closer and closer when finally, she breaks up with Mike, and goes out for me. Hurray! Not really. Mike continued to call and she would talk to him because she didn't want to be rude. I can understand that. They dated for 5 or 6 six years before I came along. But then, he start showing up at her house every once and while, hanging out with her brother. Calling her family on the holidays. It was ridiculous. So finally I told her how I felt. I says, "I don't like this at all, make it stop." And she says, " I can't do that, Mike has been a part of my life for a long time." And I says, "Well make a decision, him or me." And she says, "That's not fair, I can't do that." And I says, "Adios."
A month or two went by, and we started talking again. We hung out every so often, but we never got back together. It's been about 3 years now, and lately she's been calling me alot. And e-mailing. She's even gone as far to tell me that it was the biggest mistake she ever made and she wishes that we stayed together. I don't know what I want with her though. I actually just want to be friends for now. But then she has to go and say stuff like, "Well, lets be friends with benefits." But I'm no fool. That's just a ploy to get me to come back. At least that's what I think. Besides, I honestly think I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life.
Anyway, that's Renee in a nutshell. I wonder what will ever become of our relationship.

So I'm going out to dinner and a movie with an ex-girlfriend tonight. I hope this doesn't turn out to be one big mistake. She's been calling me like crazy ever since she found out I was no longer with my girlfriend. We always remained friends, but she's been wanting to hang out more lately.
I'm sitting at my desk eating lunch. I was finally good this week and brought my lunch everyday. It gets too fucking expensive eating out. And if you want to eat inexpensively you either have to eat crappy fast food or bring in your own. So, I brought in my own.
Healthy Choice—sucks.
1/2 pound burger and Cheese fries from Cactus—YUMMY!
1/2 pound burger with bacon and cheddar and cheese fries from Twisted Spoke—YUMMIER!
Back to work.

Blah, our company server is down. I got shit to do damnit!
I came in early today. God, I hate coming in early. Waking up, to me, is got to be the hardest part of the day. I guess that's why they call it morning. Because everyone gets depressed they gotta get out of bed.
Fuck, this day sucks. Too much work to do and the god damn server is down.

Blah...I feel like shit today. The weekend was alright. I finally got to do some snowboarding. Nothing big though. Just went up to Wilmont in Wisconsin. Very small. The half pipe was a piece of shit. What sucked worse is the lift next to the half pipe wasn't running so you had to walk forever to get to another one...fuck that! After boarding, I went to my friend Bopper's house and we had a few drinks. Then, we proceeded to this local Bar, Henry's, where there were a bunch of "sloppies" all over the place. I hate trashy women. Bar sluts, stinkies, sloppies...whatever you call them, they were there. Anyway, I left around 3 am to get a taco and went home to go to bed. It was a long fucking day. Oh yeah, I bought a 36" TV yesterday. I got it for my bedroom because I have 2 dvd players, but only one TV. So now I can watch all my movies in the comfort of my own bedroom. I still want a real nice plasma TV, but I won't get that until I get a condo. Then my home audio system will be PIMPED! Later.

I ran into my ex in the elevator today. I hate when that happens becasue things seem to be so awkward when for those few moments. At first, when the doors first opened, it seemed as if she hesitated to get on. Then she did and just looked forward. So I started a friendly conversation with her and she kept it very short. When we got off, she basically just walked away. I feel so bad about that whole situation. And when I see her I want to get back with her. But for all the wrong reasons. I mean, when I was with her, I wasn't very happy. But now that I am not with her I miss her. Why do relationships have to be so fucked up? Why do I have to be so fucked up?

So I thought my business trip to New York would be fun and easy, but it turned out to be more work that when I am at home. I went to a meeting yesterday that lasted from 9 am to 3 pm. Then went into the New York office and worked until 9:00 at night. I woke up at 9:00 this morning for an 11:00 meeting and now am in the office for who knows how long. What sucks the most is that I have absolutely nothing to do tonight but sit in my hotel room. I wish I knew a few people around here so I could hang out with at night. Oh well, time to get back to work. Later.

Ok, this sucks. I am leaving tonight for New York and I am getting sicker by the minute. I started with a sore throat yesterday morning, and now I am congested with a sore throat and tired. Sick tired, not lack of sleep tired. Man that plane ride is going to suck. I could have gotten off early today for a 1:00 flight, but I chose the 7:30 flight so I could work a full day. That was a bad idea becasue now I won't get to my hotel until 11:30 at night and I won't get a good night sleep for the meeting in the morning. Aghhhh, this sucks. Whats worse is that I got sick last time I was in New York and didn't get to enjoy it then either. I'm never gonna get a break.

Argh...I am completely stumped right now. I've got an 11:00 meeting tomorrow and I don't have a single idea for this stupid project. I feel like I've been racking my brain all fucking day and haven't come up with shit. Argh...I hate this part of my job, fucking writer's block!

Well Happy Fuckin New Year everybody! Let's see, what did I do yesterday? Oh yeah, layed around the house like a complete bumb all day. I got absolutely nothing constructive done. I did, however, watch a shit load of movies. Mostly the ones I recieved for Christmas. In case you didn't hear, I received 25 new DVDs. It's been taking me a while to watch them all, but I'll get it done. Yesterday I watched Rear Window, Enter the Dragon, God Father III and Bruce Lee The Legend. It was part of the Bruce Lee collection I recieved. Between the movies, I did get a chance to clean the house a bit. I also went to Walmart to pick up some contact solution and Hanes T-shirts. I love my Hanes T-shirts, but recently they switched to a roomier fit with longer sleeves and bottom. I don't like clothes to be too loose so I switched from large to medium. The large use to fit so perfect, and I was pist when I first bought a pack and found how big it was. Luckily I didn't give up and tried the mediums. I think all they did was make the larges fit like a medium and mediums fit like a small and then introduce a new larger extra large. Did that make sense. Anyway, New Year's Eve was just OK. I went to check out my friends band at Oasis One Sixty. For $60, they really hooked us up. Top shelf liquor, 7 course dinner and a breakfast buffet. I was pretty drunk. Luckily my friends girlfriend drove a bunch of us so I had nothing to worry about. I didn't get any action though, therefore the night was just ok. But other than that, it was cool to be with all of my friends. Oh well, time to get back to work. Later!