Have you ever hated your job so much that the thought of it made your stomach quiver. Where monday mornings become monday MOURNINGS.
Clients are a pain in my ass. Consistency and aesthetics...consistency and aesthetics. That's all they ever talk about, but as soon as we try to keep things consistent, they get pist off for not realizing that we need to be flexible about format. Fuck format. I hate format.
A client is never happy. That makes my unhappy.

Well the weekend is over. Wasn't too bad. Friday I spent the night working on the condo. After that, I went home and fell asleep. Saturday I gave up my Metallica ticket to start spackling my bedroom walls and get it ready to paint. Then I met up with Mike Jones and went to BAR Chicago. That was pretty cool. Today I had practice all day. Then I went to the condo about 8:00 and was too lazy to do anything. So I went back to my parents, ate dinner, and am now watching Alfred Hitchcock's Vertigo. I've seen it a billion times but I felt like watching something old. Anyway, that's about it for me. Happy monday!

Happy b-day Joe.
I know, Joe doesn't even read this website. But, the thought is there.
Got my kitchen cabinets yesterday. Actually, I ordered them yesterday. I'll have them in two weeks. Finally I'm going to have a finished kitchen.
Isn't it amazing how boring and useless this site is. It's all babble. I guess it's better to leave it here, in the middle of the internet for people to decide if they want to hear what I have to say.
Did you ever have a conversation where you absolutely didn't care what the other person was talking about. You sit there nodding your head thinking about what you're going to watch when you get home or wether you unplugged the iron or not. Sometimes I think it would be funny to just walk away in the middle of their sentence and not even blink an eye. How would they react? I don't know, but it would be pretty funny.
That reminds of my friend Mike Donnegan. The funniest thing I ever saw him do was ignore some girl. He didn't just ignore her, he blatantly shunned her. About two years ago at a random bar, a group of us ran into some girls they knew from high school. One of the girls said hi to Donnegan and he just stared at her with a blank look. Then as she began talking he blurts out, "I don't care." Stunned, she says, "What?"
He repeats, "I don't care about anything you have to say." Then he turns around.
I was shocked, as so was she. I didn't know the girl, so I found it pretty funny. So when I started laughing, she grabbed her friend and walked away. Definately the highlight of the evening.
Donnegan...now he's a character. But somehow he never ceases to amaze me. Just when you think he's going to be harsh, abrupt or caustic, he's the nicest guy in the world. Thanks Donnegan, you've definately managed to keep me laughing.

I'm gonna suck on stage. Hopefully my horrible playing style will be drowned out by the rest of the band.
August 2, 2003: The first Four Story Fall show. Kind of intersting. This will be the big test. To see how well we sound on a stage. So far we've only been playing in Shawns unfinished basement. The sound bounces off the walls like crazy in there.
Goin to Bitely, Michigan tonight. It's the annual Bitely Days. What's that you ask. It's this summer festival the town of Bitely has to celebrate...celebrate...oh shit, who the fuck knows why they celebrate. We just get drunk and act stupid on wave runners and speed boats on the lake. It's an excuse to get wasted I guess. Unfortunately there are just a few of us that are going this year. After the whole bROKEN Release break up, alot of the people that usually go bailed out on the deal. Some people are so childish.
It's gonna be good to just lounge around all weekend and do absolutely nothing important. I love shit like that.
Has ayone ever heard of Lomo. It's a camera that my friend Yooj just got. It's pretty cool. I want to get one, buut it's just a matter of finding one on e-bay. I checked a bunch of sites and they all have them for about $160. Yooj got his for $100 plus shipping costs on e-bay, so I think I'll just try to get it on there. I've never purchased anything on e-bay before. I've alwyas been a little weary, but all of my friends have been doin it so it should be fine. I think.
Oh well, life still sucks and I want to die. Have a nice weekend everyone.
Sergio...

I love a good lull in the work day. My days have been too hectic lately. Work drains you. Sometimes when it starts too control me, I walk away for an hour or so. Take a walk to State St. Look around. Walk back. It helps, I think. Or at least when I get back it's an hour closer to the time that I leave, so that's a good thing.
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whoa!
A.D.D. just kicked. I blanked out and forgot what I was writing about.
Too much shit on my mind lately. I feel like I'm doing a bad job on the condo. Everytime I make a minor error on trim, or install an outlet a little off center, I feel like the whole place is gonna look like shit.

Crash...that was some serious thunder. Sorry for digressing, but it just got very dark and looks like it's gonna storm. Dark and dismal; just the way I like it.

Alkaline Trio: they have a song called Halloween. Now that's a dreary, dreadful song. They sing about dead cats from poles and candle apple, razor blades. Dead, dark, horrific.

What was I talking about before. Lulls. Breaks. Get aways.
I need to get away. Away from this job. Away from this city.
I'd love to live in complete solitude. Just until I got sick of it at least. I'd get sick of it pretty fast, I'm sure. Solitude is my friend. Until it hates me. Then I don't want to be its friend anymore.

Boredom is killing me now. I want to go.

xtemporaneous
Alright everyone, I just added a good friend of mine to my "Acquaintances" links. Talk about a kickass site. For all my reader's who have an attention span of more than five minutes, I strongly suggest giving it a look. You will definately smile, probably laugh, and quite possibly be inspired to start your own web journal. Now if I could only figure out how to make my blog look as creative as his.

I'm an idiot.
So I get off the elevator on the 5th floor and end up running into Kasey, my ex.
Damn she still looks good. I don't think I told any of you about my dream last week. So I'm at a sorority party. I have no idea where this school was or whose party it was, but Kasey and Tina D. were both in the sorority. Tina D. is this girl that I work with but has absolutely no relevance to the story. She's just there. Anyway, as I follow the two of them around the party for a while, Kasey decides to tell me she has to go pick up her boyfriend at the airport. I have no idea why she told me this, but it upset me because in my dream I was hoping we'd hook up. Then I tried to get her to stay but she didn't listen to me.
What the hell does this dream mean? I haven't talked to Kasey in a long time and I'm dreaming about her. I often say that my life is a series of bad decisions. I wonder if this was my subconcious telling me that I made another bad decision. Oh well, that's that.
So I've got a show in two weeks. August 2nd at O'malleys. I believe it starts at 10 pm, but I'm not really sure. This should be interesting. Either we'll do very well, or it will be a complete failure. Who cares, most things I do end up going terribly wrong. We also had to change our name at the last minute. Which sucks because I really liked Read Letter Day. We came up with Four Story Fall (actually Shawn did, but we all tweaked it a little). It's actually pretty cool because of it's negative conotation. The way we see it, a four story fall wouldn't be enough to kill you, but it would definately cause serious damage to your body. Like paralysis or vegetation. That would really suck.
My friend Jay says he wishes he was retarded. Like serious retarded, or mentally disabled to be politically correct. The way he explained it is, "have you ever seen a retarded person, there always so fucking happy. I wish I could be happy all the time." He's got a good point. The mind of a retard, or even a child, is incredible. They find complete happiness out of the simplest of things. For instance, my nephew just started peeing in the toilet. Every time he has to go he brings me into the bathroom and says, "Look...I make bubbles, I make bubbles!"
Joy out of the simplest things. Damn it would be great to reach that state of mind, or better yet, go back to that mental state.

Damn! It feels like it's been a while since my last blog. Been feeling kind of empty lately. The condo still isn't done. Almost, but not yet. New York has been fun the past few weeks. Been seeing alot of that girl Aimee. She is very cool. She likes all the same stuff that I do. I don't think she's the one, but she is definately cool to hang out with when I'm in New York.
Donnegan had a cool party this weekend at his cottage. I wish I had gone for the whole weekend, but I left late saturday night because I had stuff to do at the condo. That stupid thing is running my life. I wish I thought like Tyler Durden. "The things you own, end up owning you." Fight Club has to be the greatest film ever. At least in the way that it relates to me. I wish I wasn't so materialistic, but I am. Half the shit I own or want I don't need. But I want it anyway. Did I have to gut out the condo. No. But I did anyway. Because I wanted to live in style. But who cares. Noone does really. I might get a compliment here and there, but nooone really cares. Maybe it will help with resale, but not much. It will probably just make it an easy sale. But as far as money, not really.
I second guess myself all the time. I make bad decisions all the time. Like I said before, my life is a series of bad decisions.
I think 35 would be a good age to die. Because at least you've lived long enough to enjoy the good things in life and you won't have to worry about getting old. I guess I'll just die when I'm 35. As long as I'm not married and don't have any kids. If I have those two things, I kind of have to stick around. But if I don't have those two things, I don't think it would be so bad to be gone.
The way I see, everyone I know will have a bunch of there own shit to deal with to worry about mine. I guess that's the point of getting married. That leaves you with just one person to worry about oppose to all the other people out there. I mean once you're married with kids, you pretty much don't bother worrying about anyone else.
Ok, I'm done rambling for the day. Back to my living hell that I call a job.

Nobody cares.
That's the blatant and honest truth about people. They don't care. Hell, there's a ton of shit I don't care about. We're all selfish. Even the people who seem not to be selfish because they are so nice, are just as selfish as the rest of us. Think about it. Selfishness is a characteristic in which one only cares about themselves. Now, a person who is very giving may only be doing it because it makes themselves feel good. The outcome may be pleasing to all, but the act is done purely to please the giver making him or her feel like a better person.
I personally feel I am a very selfish person. Although I'm told that I am a very nice and caring person, I only do it because I want people to like me. And if I feel liked, then I feel good about myself. On the other hand, there are many things that I do that are not very nice. I hate talking to people I could care less about. I don't like giving souvenirs or gifts to people after coming back from a trip or for a birthday. Of course, that's because I hate getting that shit myself. Who cares about a birthday. We should celebrate the day of conception. I mean, that's the only time my parents got true enjoyment out of the creation of me. Every moment afterwards was nothing but hell. Morning sickness, labor, terrible two's, adolescence, bail. No wonder my parents never really celebrated my birth.
Back to my selfishness. I once stopped seeing a girl because she was a terrible kisser. She tightened her lips. That was weird. Then there was the girl who had a kid. Why the fuck should I be responsible for another man's kid. Oh yeah, how about the girl who wasn't a sexual person. What the fuck, I'm a man, I need sex. Maybe she thought I was bad. She's probably right. Who cares.
Who cares?
No one. No one cares. We're all selfish. We're all self absorbed. As we should be. Survival of the fittest. In the end it's just gonna be me. Lying on the floor. Gripping my chest. Staring at the pale blue sky as every happy moment of my entire life flashes before my eyes. Not somebody elses moments. But my moments. The moments only I can cherish. I am a selfish person. And so are you. Deal with it.

Ok, so everything went as planned. My blog was correct, and I didn't have to mess with HTML. Thank God.
So Aimee is coming in this weekend for the 4th of July. I am excited and disapointed at the same time. I am excited because I get to see her and her sweet little body for the whole weekend, but I am disappointed because I have to spend the weekend entertaining her and not working on the condo. I am so close to moving in. But everytime I try and get more done, something comes up. It's a pain in my ass.
Well, the band is going well so far. We have quite a few songs, but I really don't think anyone is going to care. As they shouldn't. I mean who cares about a bunch of music that a couple of guys and one girl created for shits and giggles. It's gonna be pretty funny when we stand on that stage and everyone just stares at us with absolutely no interest in what we are playing or doing. Who cares I guess. I'm still having fun. But I promise to never force anyone to applaude or come close to the stage or even attend a show. That is one thing that annoyed me about bROKEN Release. It seemed more like a job that entertainment. Anyway, I have work to do. I'll talk to you all later.

Whoa, blogger just updated their website. And now I am completely confused. It gives all of these HTML directions for fixing any unknown fonts and characters. But, I have no clue how to correctly use HTML. Every time I mess with it, I figure out what to do but always by mistake. And can never duplicate the command to save my life. Oh well hope I don't screw anything up.